thoughts

having too much time on your hands opens your mind to thoughts you never thought of entertaining before.

so the person i call the dark horse isn’t a complete ass. he can actually be a temporary ray of sunshine while my sunshine are currently unavailable. (yes, grammar whores out there, that’s intentional.)

it all started with a conversation, one that that i never expected. i had already made up my mind about him being, or rather, turning into an ass since i’ve seen him hanging around “the wrong crowd” but then he mentioned something surprising. well, it was surprising to me, anyway. not only that, it was a most pleasant surprise.

he said i was “too caring.” it wasn’t said with malice, or with any untoward feeling. it was just… there, and i felt like he meant it. all of a sudden i found myself with so many thoughts and questions. i doubted him, i was flattered, i was speechless, i hated him, liked him again. the thoughts and questions and feelings were all there. i thought, “was i? am i really too caring? what did i do to him or his friends that made him say that? and why didn’t i think i was too caring? what did that mean: too caring?”

in any case, the dark horse got me thinking about perception. no matter how much we think we don’t care about what other people think, or how we think we know what other people think about us, we will never really completely know unless other people tell us directly. when we find out what other people think about us, i guess we never really expect to hear what we expected to hear from them.

in any case, the dark horse is not completely corrupted. maybe the evil king isn’t really evil. truth is, i don’t think the evil king really is evil.

*sigh* i actually miss talking to all those kings and dark horses and jesters. it’s my fault also for pushing them away. =(

most of all, though, i miss my sunshine.

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