Rain and floods

Figuratively speaking, that is.

Every time my body reminds me I’m a woman, I get horrible mood swings that take me from laughter to fury to instant tears. During a conference with my boss, I suddenly found myself in tears. It was fury behind it, and whenever I find that I have to control my anger, it ends up manifesting itself through tears. It was embarrassing. It always is.

I cry when I’m angry because I figure I’d rather suffer through it than hurt others if I spew out offensive words out of anger. I know what it feels like to be hurt and feel like crap, and I wouldn’t want others to feel that way, which is why I’d rather just cry it out than shout expletives.

I’ve found myself crying more this school year than in any other year of my life. Joy, anger, frustration, sorrow, fear, regret – all these were reasons I shed buckets of tears. It doesn’t help that work has become such a burden that I couldn’t and can’t go out with friends that often. And when I AM able to spend time with them, I choose not to talk about the things that weigh my heart down because I feel happier just BEING in their company.

2012 is a year of major changes. The Mayans foretold it. I will make sure these changes – only positive ones – will be in my life, too. No more tears. 🙂

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