Adjust

I hate this.

I don’t like being caught off guard. 

And now I’m stuck in the anger stage.

How to move on po?

Grasping at straws

I am overwhelmed, and not in the good way.

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

Xavier

(Catching up)

This school has been my second home for the past 12 years. I’ve switched campuses, but the community spirit and drive for excellence remain the same. I am thankful for this school because of all the lessons I learned and all the opportunities I have been given to grow as a person and as an educator.

I enter this new school year with apprehension because I’ll be handling a new grade level alone. Again. It seems like I’ve been on my own for the most part of my stay in the new campus. I do have direct supervisors, but as the only senior teacher in the department, they pretty much leave me alone to my devices so that they can focus on the new members of the team. I love the independence and trust they give me, but I hate having to grope in the dark most of the time. 

What did I learn from this? 

Trust. Perseverance.

Gratitude list

  • Xavier School San Juan
  • Xavier School Nuvali
  • St. Francis Xavier

Waley

(wah-lei)

Street speak/local gay lingo for wala, which is Filipino for “nothing.”

Starting today I will be emptying my mind into waleyness (nothingness) as I embark on a three day retreat. I have been feeling TOO much and thinking way too much lately that I’ve ended up crying most nights, so hopefully I am emptied of all these negative thoughts and feelings during the retreat and I find peace and be able to reconnect with God.

Wish me luck. Will be scheduling posts for the other days I’m gone.

Gratitude list

  • Walks: I’ve pretty much led a sedentary lifestyle this summer, crashing on the couch to channel surf when there’s nothing urgent to be done, getting up only to do the yoga challenge and to eat and go to the bathroom. I took a physical walk and a mental walk recently and I found myself refreshed after both. The physical walk got me some good old exercise and the mental one made sure I was still sane.
  • Water: in this intense summer heat, water is both a necessity and a luxury. I am grateful I have easy access to clean, cold, and refreshing drinking water.

Third gear

Had another driving lesson, and this time I was able to go to third gear. 🙂 technically I went up to fifth, but it was a mistake because I went straight from second to fifth. 

It was a pretty exhilarating lesson especially since I was driving next to huge trucks or kept getting intercepted by motorcycles (I get the hate now). The inclines were hell, cars kept passing me, and the engine kept dying on me on the inclines. BUT I did survive without crashing into anybody, so that’s an achievement. 

No lessons this coming week, though, which is a bummer. There’s work and there’s a three-day silent retreat I’ll be going to. I’m not looking forward to it, but I’m open.

Gratitude list

  • Third gear
  • Tires: I sort of learned how to change a tire haha. Cars are heavy. That is all.

  • Tostillas: To stave off hunger while I waited for lunch.

Kambyo

I’m gonna cheat here and use a Filipino word for today’s letter.

Kambyo is the Filipino word for “clutch” (for shifting gears in driving). I had my first driving lesson today, and I learned how to operate a manual-transmission vehicle. 

It was DIFFICULT! My only consolation was that the engine didn’t die on me as I switched gears.

The clutch was the most difficult to learn.  I had to learn how to temper the pressure I put on it or lift from it. Thankfully, my instructor, a very good friend and colleague, was very patient with me and was very clear in his instructions.

My next session would be learning how to change a tire. Can’t say I’m excited, but I know I need this lesson.

  • Kambyo: This thing has taught me a lot about patience and moderation and letting go at the right time.
  • Kaibigan (friend or lover): This word can mean either friend (kai-bee-gahn) or lover (ka-ibigahn) depending on which syllable you put the stress. I’m thankful for both meanings. My good friend taught me how to drive, and my SO supported me in my decision to take lessons.

Health

I’m a relatively healthy person with only a dust allergy and 120/120 vision to mar my otherwise perfect medical record. I’ve been sick, yes, but nothing chronic has plagued me…

…until now.

My tailbone has been bothering me since October. I was at another conference and all I did was SIT on school chairs from sun up to sun down. That’s when I noticed my tailbone started to hurt. The pain went away eventually, but I noticed it would hurt again when I’m seated for a long time. I looked it up online and found that it IS indeed caused by prolonged sitting on hard surfaces. It usually goes away on its own i. A few weeks or months, but now I’m worried because it’s five months after and I still feel a bit of pain.

According to Google, poor posture and weight loss contributes to this. I’m not exactly known for my good posture, so I’m struggling to correct that. My weight loss has not been significant either. I wasn’t even trying to lose weight. It just happened because I got the stomach bug at the end of January which kept me in bed (and running to the bathroom) for about two days. 

I’m back to yoga to build my core strength and my lower back, but I’m also mindful that I don’t lose any significant amount of weight to make sure the padding around my tailbone doesn’t thin out and make it hurt any more.

Gratitude list:

  • Hugs: I’m not one to welcome hugs from strangers, but hugs from the right people boost me up instantly. Last night I needed a hug badly and I got it. 😘
  • Health: Despite the tailbone pain, I’m still grateful that all my senses are working and that I can still stand up and walk and run and lie down and enjoy the sunshine and fresh air in my town.
  • Hope: I choose to hope for and act to bring about the good instead of complaining about the bad.